about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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