just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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