I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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