we have officially lost it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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