The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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