oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize