I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
