ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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