I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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