We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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