Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
