her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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