it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
nutella sex= disaster
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
