It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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