Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
