sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize