I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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