Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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