I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
