All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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