Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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