Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
