You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
