i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bring me that man meat
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
