Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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