So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have post one night stand depression
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
