Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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