You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I smell like Dick and happiness
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