i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
