Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
