You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
