Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
