i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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