The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
