Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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