All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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