Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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