So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
