like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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