There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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