I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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