his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
