Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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