I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
