If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
