Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
