it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you had me at cake vodka
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
