Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
