She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
