now i know why i became what i already was.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
