I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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