Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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