I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
