made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We had sex on a dog bed..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
