Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
