he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
