My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How external is "for external use only"?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
