I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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