she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
