And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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