She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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