No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
