$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
