dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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