He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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