so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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