I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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