i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
